rich and intertwined, just like a tapestry. these are the words i keep coming back to in describing life...the long, deep, rich threads of our lives that seem independent (each color thread is its own), but marvelously interweave with other threads and form a beautiful expression of a life lived.
i came to this metaphor from a recent experience i had.
many moons ago (literally, 1992) i, too, like the queen elizabeth ll, had an annus horribilis. i was 28, and what i was going through at the time was the deepest, darkest time in my 28 years. at my lowest point, i got into my car and this song came on the radio, the music just hit my heart and broke it open. i was crying so hard i could hardly see to drive. there was something about the song, the music, the way it just broke my heart open and let the pain out. because it was a popular song i would hear it often and for the next several weeks, it was my vehicle to languish in my pain.
then we pick ourselves up and move forward. the song was under the bridge, by the red hot chili peppers. as you can imagine, from that time forward, this song was always playing. i could no longer listen to it. i avoided it like the plague. honestly, i spent too much energy avoiding that song. the words " i don't want to feel like i did that day" haunted me, reminded me of a time i really didn't want to remember. i really didn't want to feel like i did that day! as many of you kno,w i am a huge chili pepper fan! eventually (by that i mean about 5 years later), i came to a place where i could listen to the song, but i didn't like it! a few notes from that song and i could be transported back to THAT day, THAT time in my life. add 5 more years, and i could listen to it, i could sing to it w/ no real emotions, but hey! it was progress. i wasn't changing the station and I actually listened to the whole song. i became ambivalent...that's progress for you!
now fast forward to last year--connor & i go to our first RHCP concert, first for me, first for him. side bar: two or three years prior, we tried to get tickets to their concert and couldn't. one day he & i were driving in my car and jamming to a RHCP song (a common occurrence with us). after the song was over, he looks at me (he was about 16) and said, " i really want to go to a RHCP concert with you before you die." yes, yes, you read that right. so what does a Mom do? the next time the RHCP tour, you get tickets, come hell or high water, or high ticket prices, but you get them!
so, there we are on the floor, 10th row in philly. we are dancing & singing ; both in our own joy & sharing in each others! it was magical. yup you guessed it! ( i actually have tears in my eyes now as I type this). Under the Bridgeplays! we are singing & dancing together to this song and i am so caught up in the pure joy of the moment! then it hits me! i start crying...crying tears of pure joy, and feeling such a deep richness that is my life. this song, this song that 24 years ago represented pain. this song, that i didn't like, that i avoided listening to. this song, this song that I am now sharing with my son. a son? when i was 28 years old, I was never having children. and now this song represents one of the most joyful times in my life, with a son i never dreamed of having then. this song now will always remind me of a common bond, a common love, and a wonderful experience with my child. this song has woven together separate threads of my life, so separate and so many years and experiences apart.
and that my friends is the rich tapestry of life. stay in the game, with heart and mind open long enough, and everything intertwines, forming a beautifully rich tapestry that is your life!
la dolce vita!
post script: we went two months later to see them (RHCP) in concert again in d.c.
post, post script: i was driving to moondog, contemplating writing this story, and under the bridge came on the radio. i pulled into the parking lot (it was very early--i was the only car there) and i sat in my car listened to the song. i let the whole story wash over me. then, with tear in my eyes, i looked up at the sky and said..."okay, I got the message. i will tell my story."
life is amazing...truly...stay in the game, keep your heart and mind open. it will be a roller coaster...but oh! what a ride.
much love, light, and laughter to you all